Monday evening I went to a little gathering of friends, and I brought Simon along. He received lots of attention, and gave me something to talk about. Later that night I watched him fall asleep and reflected on a co-worker who was adopting a baby, but had to give him back to the birth mother after caring for him for almost a month. I thought of how un-important so many things would seem if I didn't have Simon anymore. Would I even enjoy anything? Would I feel like my life lacked purpose? I thought about how I felt more confident at times since having Simon. Like being at that get together on Monday. Whenever I didn't know what to say, or wasn't talking to anyone, I could turn to Simon instead of staring awkwardly around the room. Whether he 'needed' me for something, or I could say something about him, having him with me made that evening less stressful. (Not that it would have been that stressful anyway, it was a nice bunch of people, but sometimes I get stressed when I have to be social.)  Having Simon around does give a particular purpose or meaning in my life. There is something about giving of yourself to another person that gives a feeling of meaning and fulfillment. Maybe that's part of why I became a nurse, maybe that's part of why I enjoyed doing mission work so much. There is one big question that I must answer as I reflect on all this - do I depend on Simon (or Peter, or the refugee kids, or my family, or my church....) to give meaning/purpose to my life?  I could lose Simon. I could lose him to SIDS, leukemia, car accident, drugs, the wrong friends, or prison. Would that mean I failed, would that mean my feeling of fulfillment and purpose would disappear? Ideally, there will come a time when Simon does not need me as he does now - will I still have purpose then?  All these questions swam around in my brain as I fell asleep Monday night. They culminated in one thought - I cannot find my purpose in anything that might fade away, in things temporal, of this world. If I do, I would spend all my time worrying that something would happen to them and my life would fall apart.  My purpose needs to be based solely on something out of this world, something given to me, something absolute and eternal, Someone who gave all for the sake of my soul and loves and cares for me in more ways than I will understand on this side of Heaven.  My prayer is that all those who have lost someone, or something in this life that had been giving them meaning and purpose would be able to turn to the One who holds the universe in the palm of His hand for a deeper, renewed meaning and fulfillment in living here on earth.

Unpacking and settling into a house alone is one thing. Merging two people's belongings, unpacking habits, and arrangement assumptions is another. Peter and I were discussing the unpacking of books, and where they should go and whether or not they needed to be organized/sorted somehow. Peter blinked at me, and said his books were already ordered the way he wanted them. I asked what his system was, knowing his tendency to have a good reason for everything he does. This was the explanation I received:

"The ones on the top shelf to the right, those are interesting books. The ones to the left are small books by dead people. And on the second shelf I have not-so-interesting books, mostly theological."

My comments?

1) I didn't know dead people wrote books
2) I think I'll have to make some room on the bookshelf for my 'medium books by living people,' and maybe a spot for 'super-exciting books,' while making sure that no 'really boring books' end up anywhere on any of the four bookshelves in this little house.

Today is six months until Christmas. Four months until October 25th. So much to do before then, but right now I'm just revelling in the joy having some really wonderful people around me.

Shannon, who has been my friend since pretty much the day we were born. Sometimes I don't talk to her as often as I should, but tonight we talked for an hour and half. She sends me fun packages on my birthday, is genuinely friendly and caring, and takes people on trips to places they would probably have never gone if she hadn't started the planning and been the motivator.



Mom, who called me up this afternoon just to make sure I wasn't upset about some misunderstandings. I think I've talked to her more the last two weeks than I have over the last year! She has done so much of the footwork for planning this far, and has offered ideas, suggestions and questions that help decisions be made for the best.



Jody, Sarah, Erin who are the best sisters anyone could ask for I think. They send fun packages, tag my facebook pictures, spend hours online (all at the same time!) looking at hundreds of bridesmaid dresses and wedding dresses, and tease eachother about taste, or lack thereof.
 

Peter, who listens to all the plans, mine and everyone elses. He not only listens, but he asks about them and how things are going. Even when he has seven sermons to write, family visiting, Bible studies to prepare, and C.S. Lewis books waiting to be read.  He's patient, encouraging and supportive, knows when to make fun of me and when not to, and tells me all the interesting things from the lectures he listens to or the reading he is doing.